Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
