I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
