Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
