I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
