I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
