Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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