I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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