What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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