You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
