im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
