i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Enjoy the penises
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
