Your face is a jimmy john
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
