Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
