So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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