we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
