So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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