just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
