he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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