I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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