I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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