his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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