giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner