I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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