Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
