Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
