shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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