Sponge bath it is.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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