i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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