your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
