Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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