chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Shame - the story of my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
