sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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