I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
