Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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