miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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