Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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