She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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