got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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