Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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