If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
