Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
