you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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