I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Congratulations! We have a period
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
