Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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