i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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