First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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