So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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