So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
40s are totally the cure
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
