I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
