i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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