No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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