There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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