I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
