Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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