i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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