i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My penis needs a shock collar
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
