I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
