FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
