y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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