she was so not down for the gang bang
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
