I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
