Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
